I have been so emotional since our son was born in April! I cry more often, I get tears in my eyes when I just look at one of my children, I get frustrated easily, I want to just stop and cuddle more and just soak up the moment!
I know a lot of it is postpartum hormone changes, but I think a HUGE part of it is the fact that Jack is probably our last baby. (I say probably because nothing is permanent and God could change our plans and/or our minds!) We always wanted to have 4 children, but now that we have our 2 girls and our little boy I feel like our family is complete... or is it?
This is the exact thing that has been on my mind a lot lately! How do you decide exactly when you're done having children? I'm not too old to stop having babies, but I don't want have teenagers in our home when we're grandparents! We have plenty of love to give, but do we have enough money? We have two more seats available in our minivan, but do we have enough space in our house? They could get college loans, but would we be able to help pay for some? A big family could be fun, but do I want more laundry to do? More siblings for the kids might be nice (it could mean more grandchildren) but would that mean more conflict in the home?
I have been going around and around in my mind with these exact questions and thoughts.
Just the very thought of not having another newborn in the house crushes me, yet I don't think we want more children. That's why I've decided to make Jack stop growing. Just kidding, I just wish there was a way to freeze moments in time so I could just sit and watch him sleeping, or hold him as long as I want to! Those days of him sleeping on my chest, changing little diapers and nursing him will all be over way to soon! He is 2 months old already and I don't feel like I've had the chance to soak him up yet!
My oldest daughter is 3 already and I feel like I should still be dressing her in newborn clothes and rocking her to sleep at 2 am!
I have a hard time thinking that I will never use our bassinet for another baby, or that I will never wear my maternity clothes again! I don't want to give away our infant car seat or baby swing. And I love the bond that nursing Jack created... will this be my last time nursing a baby?
I'm sure a lot of you have felt the same way!
So, should we have more children? Well, we're not making plans to have more children, but I'm not saying we won't! We're not promising anything, I've just been pondering the idea...
Odd timing on this...I've been thinking about getting a move on #2 lately!! I can imagine that thinking you're done would be hard, especially if you think there's a possibility you might want more. You guys will figure out what's best for you...and you'll know. Oh, and I can totally sympathize with the hormones. Even now, 3 months later, I tear up and feel all sappy for no reason.
ReplyDeleteif i get a vote... well, you know what it is( he he), but no preasure. i am so blessed - thanks for the three beautiful ones you've given us (so far)!!! to be continued...
ReplyDeleteWell, you guys do make great looking kids and they seem sweet. You are great parents and their grandparents are great so a couple more wouldn't hurt anyone. :)
ReplyDeleteoh Nicole! This post makes me sad. I totally understand and I only have one baby. She is growing too quickly!
ReplyDelete1. do not let college concerns decide. Zeke will be using our local CC and he's taking nursing--to ultimately be a nurse practitioner. Once he gets 2 yrs a local hospital will pay 4 further classes. There are many ways to make a degree less expensive and many trades which pay well--welding, plumbing--do not cost much time or $.
ReplyDelete2. I will be 40 on Friday. My youngest is 1. I will more than likely not have an empty nest when grandkids arrive. I think it will be SO much fun! Holidays??? wow! I can NOT wait!
3. If you decide to homeschool, I guarantee your teens will be mostly a pleasure anyway. Mine are. They are still slightly unreasonable at times but such a joy to converse with. Plus they help do the laundry, dishes and all that. I do *not* do all the work around here--like I did when they were all little!
4. (I don't know why I'm bullet listing this.) Right now you are in the trenches. Having 3 in 3 years is the big time work. When your oldest is 8, hard work and training begin to pay off. Eran, my 8yo, is the best organizer! And he loves Julia and helps me by playing with her when I'm busy with dinner or something. He doesn't complain about it--he loves her!
5. Ultimately, family plans should be between you, your husband, and God. Maybe you don't know, but we had a vasectomy when Ethan (#3) was a few months old. We were *sure* 3 was enough. God was not. I knew as soon as it happened that we had done something out of fear and not out of faith. We are not anti-all birth control but I do think since most pills are abortifacient--I don't think a Christian should take them. Since I get so sick in the first few months, we use a barrier method. (being dreadfully honest here) but really I usually do not cycle for about 18 months pp. LOVE THAT! :o)
Sorry if this was tmi. I never regret my big family. I know if we had stopped at 3--I would definitely regret it. These little people grow up and become amazing individuals. Such good friends.
I agree with Lyn. Don't cross too many bridges now. Just enjoy step by step. And you are in the tough stage. My big girls are a huge help. The training pays off big time. We work as a unit. Everyone has their role to play and knows they are essential to the family. Do I get tired of laundry, yes indeed....but my home and heart are full every day. I understand your emotions perfectly. Every Mom has been there and goes there in her head...stay faithful in the every day. A big one for us was having conversations with people who regretted they had not had more. Not a one regretted that they had too many. It made us think and here we are with an almost full 12 passenger van. If you had asked me when my 1st 3 were 3, 2, and newborn that we would have this many...I would have laughed incredibly. But, we are so blessed and no regrets. The Lord will sustain you, keep sending up those arrow prayers to Him. I know time on your knees in prayer at this stage is difficult. (unless you are cleaning up another mess....perfect prayer posture) A family is a blessing...a God designed blessing. Enjoy them at every stage and you will rejoice with each milestone. And watch them blossom as they grow up together. It is such a gift to give siblings to the ones you have. We have never had jealousy issues, they know they are all part of the Boyd clan and have their special spot just for them.
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